Funny Valentines Day Card Quotes

Funny Valentines Day Card Quotes by Rita Rudner, Maya Angelou, Lewis Grizzard, Dorothy Parker, Lynda Barry, Theodor Reik and many others.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one sp

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.
Maya Angelou
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
Lewis Grizzard
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
Rita Rudner
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry
The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.
Theodor Reik
I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
Jonathan Swift
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Dorothy Parker
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jay Leno
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
William Shakespeare
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.
Mickey Rooney
There’s a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.
John Kenneth Galbraith
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
A. A. Milne
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
Pearl Bailey
Money gives me pleasure all the time.
Hilaire Belloc
The bravest thing that men do is love women.
Mort Sahl